Friday, February 02, 2007
haha.. got this funny email from my army frd. Have a look and maybe it will help you in future if not laugh out loud (LOLx) den..
Subject: Rules to Survive
1. Never walk without a document in your hands.People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busyAny time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mails, chat and generaly have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss and you *will* get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3. Messy deskTop management can get away a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workplace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice MailNever answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and AnnoyedAlways try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office lateAlways leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss's room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (eg. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking StrategyIt is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build VocabularyRead up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn swanning around elsewhere.
11. MOST IMPORTANT
Don't forward this to your boss by mistake.
Cun love u at Friday, February 02, 2007
